Fun Page

Well, why not? We only pass this way once and if it upsets feminists and other self righteous twerps then so much the better.

The Magic Drink does its thing.

George and John
Understanding  Engineers
BOFH = Bastard Operator From Hell  - reality in real computing.

Men think.

Women think of clothes, babies, humungous divorce settlements et cetera.

Blondes don't have to think. Lucky them.

Not all of us were saddened by his departure to pastures greener - MUCH greener.

From http://www.joke-of-the-day.com/

The Kids Are Alright -- Part Two...

 

Below, are examples of sixth grade research projects. Enjoy...

9. Queen Elizabeth was the Virgin Queen. As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted hurrah.

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet is an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, A horse divided against itself cannot stand. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.

16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

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 Back in the Day When Insults Had Class:
 
 A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the  gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir, " said Disrael "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
 
 
 "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
 
 
 "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -
 Winston Churchill
 
 
 "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston
 Churchill
 
 
 "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
 pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
 
 
 "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
 dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
 
 
 "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
 - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
 
 
 "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
 reading it." - Moses Hadas
 
 
 "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I
 know." -Abraham Lincoln
 
 
 "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved
 of it." - Mark Twain
 
 
 "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar
 Wilde
 
 
 
 "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
 friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
 
 
 
 "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is
 one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
 
 
 "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -
 Stephen Bishop
 
 
 "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
 
 
 "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
 - Irvin S. Cobb
 
 
 "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -
 Samuel Johnson
 
 
 "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
 
 
 "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack
 E. Leonard
 
 
 "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford
 
 
 "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
 knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed
 
 
 "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -
 Charles, Count Talleyrand
 
 
 "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
 
 
 "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
 it?" - Mark Twain
 
 
 "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
 
 
 "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -
 Oscar Wilde
 
 
 "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
 rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
 
 
 "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
 
 
 "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho
 Marx